The Weekly Phone Call

*phone rings*

Me: Hello?

Mum: Hi Stu, only me, your mum.

Me: ‘sup homie?

Mum: I have a computer question and your dad isn’t here. He’s gone to B&Q to buy more things he’ll never use.

Me: Ok, shoot.

Mum: The computer. It doesn’t… it doesn’t… work. Any more. It used to work, but now I can’t turn it on. Since this morning, actually.

Me: Oh, right. Ummm… have you hit the power button?

Mum: Well yeah, of course I have. I’ve pressed all the buttons on the front. I’m not a complete div.

Me: Ok. Have you tried the monitor? Press the power button on the monitor and see if the on-light changes.

Mum: Right. *various clicking noises* No, nothing’s happening.

Me: Maybe you’ve kicked a lead out or something. Can you have a look down the back and make sure the power lead is still plugged in?

Mum: *shuffling noises. Mum groans arthritically*I can’t see the leads. I can’t see anything down there.

Me: What do you mean?

Mum: It’s too dark to see anything.

Me: Turn a light on.

Mum: I can’t. There’s a powercut.

Me: … … …

Mum: What?

Me: … … …

Mum: Stu? Are you still there?

Me: … … Mum, of course the computer won’t work in a powercut, you fucking moomin.

Mum: Well, my iphone still works…

Me: … I think we need to see other people.

3 thoughts on “The Weekly Phone Call

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